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  • William Platt

have roof box, will travel

Updated: Apr 23, 2020

We live in Aarhus, Denmark, a small country of a thousand islands, and a bit of land attached to Germany. We have a Peugeot 208, a roof box and we have never been to Portugal. so we said … “let’s go on a road trip”.

Other people said, “with a six month old baby, are you mental?”

Let me introduce “we”.

This is me, the author, a ruggedly handsome chap with a slight follicle imbalance but nevertheless a happy, intelligent, and a cracking sense of humour.

This is my wife, Dea and our daughter Ella. Dea is Danish, beautiful, a control freak and because English is her second language she doesn’t think I am funny. Ella, aka “The Sleep Bandit” [because every night she robs us of sleep] is six months old, has two teeth and a smile which would make Darth Vader say “awww” More importantly, she thinks I am hilarious.

Trips like this require detailed and methodical planning, so …

1. Kindle ... check

2. Camera ... check

3. Music mixed labelled imaginatively as “road trip” ... check

4. Everything else ... see Control Freak

See Google maps. Aarhus to Bragança, the first major town in Portugal is about 2500km or, if you are nostalgically attached to Roman soldiers, 1500 miles*.

During the planning I got a bit carried away and read loads of those picture memes and quotes.

“Road trips are not measured in miles but in moments”. Lovely, insightful, deep and utterly crap. Obviously written by a person who has never been on a long journey with a baby. New meme “Road trips are not measured in miles but in “sleeps”.

Short sleep + happy noises = 1.5 hours = maybe 180km

Long sleep + happy noises = 2.5 hours = maybe 300km

Bonus happy time = 1 hour = maybe 100km

So, I reckon, 2500km divided by 600km a day equals five, or maybe six, seven days tops of pretty easy and driving.

Day One Stuck in north German traffic jam, pigs fly past and mock me.

Actual distance covered, 202km. Methinks it will be a fraction over seven days.

* The Romans used a unit of distance called the mille passum, which literally translated into "a thousand paces. At least after Brexit, the British get to keep control of their borders and will be able to measure the lorry tailbacks outside of Dover in miles, woohoo for independence.

#sojourner #RoadTrip #Germany #Europe

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