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  • William Platt

time to party

Updated: Apr 23, 2020

“Guidance issued by Dame Sally Davies, the chief medical officer, advises that men and women should not drink more than 14 units of alcohol per week, which amounts to six 175ml glasses of wine.” As seen in the online Guardian, 10.09.18

Forgive me because I don’t understand this. Once upon a time I could drink any amount of alcohol, then I was informed I should only drink 21 units a week. Being a geezer I thought I could save all my units for the weekend. Apparently not, this is called "binge drinking" and it's bad.

Now my recommended “healthy” limit is 14 unit. I don’t even know what a unit is and I have absolutely no idea how 14 became a new healthy limit. I mean what have they discovered in the last five years about alcohol that they couldn’t have worked out twenty years ago?

And why, if it’s a “health” thing are the units in the UK less than the US, and damnit, why do the Spaniards get to slosh an armada of 35 units? Where is the research to prove that Spanish men can handle more lager lager lager than British geezah’s?

I don’t get it. The British people have voted for Brexit and Tory incompetence. This is bad and I don’t think 14 units a week cuts it. It's like prohibition again.

I live in Denmark for God’s sake. Denmark has a recommendation for 21 units and the Vikings don't seem to care if you inhale it in one giant shot glass or sip it out of an egg cup over the week.

Even more mental, we inhabit a planet with a real live Tango Man, the grate Donald “little hands” Trump [Fart ... hee hee]. He was about to tweet to North Korea a message which would have been interpreted as an indication of a US invasion. I am telling you, 50 units a day is not enough to deal with the fallout.

I have no idea who these government advisors are or how they do their research but I say “go stick your ballpoint pen somewhere dark”. Seriously. Brexit, Tory, Russia, ISIS or ISIL or whoever, and President I have bigger nuclear erections than North Korea" Trump. Viva Espana!

Rather than cut our alcohol consumption I say it’s time to roll out the barrel and party like there’s no tomorrow.

Let’s face it, with Trump and his little fingers on the nuclear erections, there might not be a tomorrow.

You can work out how many units there are in any drink by multiplying the total volume of a drink (in ml) by its ABV (measured as a percentage) and dividing the result by 1,000. For example, to work out the number of units in a pint (568ml) of strong lager (ABV 5.2%): 5.2 (%) x 568 (ml) ÷ 1,000 = 2.95 units. Oh good bloody grief, who on earth does this? I drink three pints before half time and couldn’t work out where the toilet is, never mind dividing the TSB by the GBH.

#Denmark #EUROPE

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